The Pride of Yantai, Shandong Province

Before I came to China, my only experience with foreigner was the opening seconds of an old song and my boyfriend shouting “The pride of Rochester, New York!”

In Yantai, though, it may as well be my name. When I walk through town, I am constantly greeted with “Hello! Hello! Lao wei!” I’ve been told many times that it’s not rude, but I can’t imagine the equivilent “NI HAO! HEY CHINA MAN!” going over too well.

Yesterday, as I was walking to school, a young man shouted “Hello!”. I waited for him to add “Lao wei!” so that I could give my customary response, which is saying in slow and painstaking Mandarin “Hello, I am an American teacher.” But instead, he said, in slow and painstaking English:

“Welcome to China!”
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The Anti-Borg

After almost a month, I can find my way around kai fa qu, but as I walk to my school, the post office, the cheap vegetable market, the only store in town with refridgerated eggs, and so forth, literally everyone stares at me.

It’s what I wanted in my purple-haired past, but honestly I’m doing everything I can to follow local customs. I’ve learned not to say thank you when I get change (xie xie is for formal use only), I call older women Auntie, which is the proper address here, I remind myself that traffic lights are for decorative purposes only and that bumping people out of your way is the correct way to get to the bakery counter.

Even so, everyoen stares and many people recognize me in town. I know because some people greet me, sometimes with a Chinese variation on Meg and sometimes as Lao Shi (Teacher). It’s like that scene in To Sir With Love when he’s at the market trying to buy some apples or something and he’s the only black person around and everyone who’s remotely connected to his students is like “Hello! Sir! How are you?” and he’s all “Do I even know you?” It’s like that, only instead of “Hello! Sir! How are you?”, everyone here says “Ni hao, lao shi!” and instead of “Do I know you?”, I’m all “Uh, ni hao… Wo bu ming bai! (I don’t understand!)” So actually it’s not like To Sir With Love at all.

I met another foreigner on the street last night, a German businessman (Was he actually handsome, or I am just developing a fetish for men who don’t stare at me like I’m a mutant freak?). I know the culture shock here is bad because we stood talking, him in German and me in English, for fifteen minutes or more, just to speak to someone we could kind of understand.

There is a mindset here that I just can’t understand. I have trouble just accepting that there’s no hot water, that the phones will go out for a day or more, that electic brown-outs are not a cause for giggling by candlelight. Deliveries never show up on time, and no one really expects them to do so. Paper is so valuable we even print tests on the backs of used sheets (well — I print tests on the backs of used sheets, because I’m weird American and I like to type things. I’m not sure how the other teachers give tests), but the staffroom is well supplied with dried seaweed, crysanthemum tea, candied fruit and coffee (see above re: “weird American”). I hate to sound negative, there all kinds of nice things I can’t understand either. I’m not sure what qualifies as an important occasion, it seems like anything and everything is a reason to eat and drink together. There is a complex and confusing system of gift-giving which baffles my mind but does involve an amazing haul for the foreign teacher.

Worst of all, I can’t understand Chinese jokes, maybe it’s a translation thing or maybe Eastern humor is just too far removed for me. I feel like I’m on some kind of Borg planet, but instead they’re all saying Assimilation is futile. Your attempts will be resisted.

This isn’t a plea for reassurance, I know it’s a normal adjustment process, and I know it’s not just me. One evening when we were walking home from school, the culture shock hit Calvin, another teacher here. He responded to each staring face with a smile and the traditional British greeting “Cock. Bugger. Willy.”

Chinese Food

Last night was Calvin’s (the other English teacher) farewell dinner because he’s leaving to go home to Wales. We went to eat with our boss, her husband, some of their family, some parents of our students and their assorted family.

Once we’re all gathered, everyone stands around the table for a little while. There is a hierarchy of seating arrangements, but Chinese modesty and my rather limited Mandarin vocabulary doesn’t tell me if I’m being honored or insulted. Once everyone is seated, we unfold our napkins from the Bishop’s Hat (Ok, so there aren’t any bishops in China. Maybe it’s the Defective Pagoda here) and place them under our plates. Next, we take our chopsticks out of a decorated case. Why would a culture who makes such gorgeous silks glue rhinestones, little bows and applicae flowers to make a chopstick bag look like a summer camp project? WHY!?!? A waitress walks around the table, collecting these cases, and I have to wonder if she’s the one who put the chopsticks out in the first place.

The first dishes are cold, usully some kind of pickles. The pickled innards take a little adjustment, but cold radish and cucumber pickles are a refreshing appetizer. As soon as the first dish is on the table, the fellow next to me slowly asks me in English if I wanna f*ck. Now that I’ve been to a few formal dinners, I’m ready for this. I respond with “No, thank you, I don’t need a fork,” and try not to make eye contact with Calvin. (The abilty to be snarky in a secret language has not been good to either of us) The information that the American is going to use chopsticks is repeated around the table, and when the first dishes make their way to me, all conversation and movement stops so everyone can stare.

Before anyone has a chance to eat much, the drinking begins. The waitress fills sherry-sized glasses with rice wine. I take a sip on the first toast, and wonder if I accidentally ordered paint thinner.Every person at the table raises a toast to someone or something, taps his or her glass on against the lazy-Susan and says “gambai!” when means “drain your glass!” but after a few of them, I am able to switch to red wine. Yantai produces more that one-third of the red wine in China, so far I’ve found that it all tastes like decent table wine.

Stick asked if I think the food is gross because I can’t get over my Western mindset about what’s food. I don’t know if this is true, since I’ve eaten pickled heart, chicken necks and boiled abalones (Not together! That would be gross!). Some of the hot dishes just smell revolting and I can’t bring myself to eat them, regardless of what’s actually in them. Others fool me, I think something is a simple stir-fry but it turns out to be chopped vegetables in vinegar. You reach for the bites you want in the serving dishes with your own chopsticks, and eat them with a bowl of rice. (It’s rude to ask for more rice or to empty your bowl, which is annoying when the rice is the best part of the meal. Still, one can get surprisingly full just trying each dish.

One dish is a whole fish, fins and tails and head, just like in Dinner With Trimalchio. Calvin, as the honored guest, receives the fish head, and must eat the cheeks, a valuable delicacy. Again, we don’t make eye contact, but personally, I think it’s what he deserves. I mean, he could have caused some kind of distraction while everyone was watching my chopstick preformance!

More and more dishes come out, more than our group could possibly eat. Chinese people don’t often eat desert, since some sweet dishes are served throughout dinner with salty and hot and just plain weird dishes. And there’s no lingering after the meal, once everyone’s eaten, we drink a few more toasts, and leave for the bar.

Since you asked: When you eat a Chinese meal in China, you’re not hungry a few hours later.

Stadt museum, Düsseldorf, Germany

Stadt Museum
Berger Allee 2 (der Landeshauptstadt Düsseldorf)
40213 Düsseldorf, Germany
Tel.  (0)211.89-9 61 72
www.duesseldorf.de/stadtmuseum
Düsseldorf history from Neanderthal to Roman occupation, from the first castles to Nazi Germany, and the rebuilding of the city, to modern impressionistic art all housed in the 5+ floor Stadt Museum. Featuring Überschreit Ungen Wirtschaft und Kunst Im and Das Wechselspiel Von.  Rating: 3 stars out of 5.

Kunstsammlung Nordrhein-Westfalen Museum or the K21, Düsseldorf, Germany

K21 Kunstsammlung Nordrhein-Westfalen Museum
Ständehausstr. 1 (city centre close to Graf-Adolf-Platz)
40217 Düsseldorf, Germany
Tel. 49 (0)211.8381-600
www.kunstsammlung.de
Tuesdays - Fridays 10 am - 6 pm, saturdays and sundays 11 am to 6 pm, closed on mondays.
K21 Kunstsammlung in Ständehaus : dedicated to international contemporary art of the 21st century - from narrative and metaphr, to heterogeneity and ambiguity, new media, photography, moving images of film and video and large spatial installations … Eija-Liisa HTILA; Christian Boltanski, Marcel Broodthaers, Tony Cragg, Thomas Demand, Olafur Eliasson, Katharina Fritsch, Robert Gober, ndreas Gursky, Thomas Hirschhorn, Ilya Kabakov, Jannis Kounellis, Paul McCarthy, Mario Merz, reinhard Mucha, Juan Munoz, Shirin Neshat, Nam June Paik, Thomas Ruff, Gregor Schneider, Thomas Schütte, Tino Sehgal, Katharina Sieverding, Jeff Wall, Franz West, and many others  … my favorites among many were Katharina Fritsch’s Mann und Maus, Juan Munoz’s ‘Plaza’, and pieces in the Sammlung Collection.  The starting point for art here is the year 1980 to liberate and extend the prevailing notions of Modernism and the avantgarde. Over 170 works and groups of works from its own collection with mediums such as painting, photographs, sculptures, videos, spatial art installations, sound, audio, and light sitting within the refurbished and restructured former regional parliament building of the Land of Northrhine-Westphalia, the so-called Ständehaus transformed by the Munich architects Kiessler and Partner. Rating: 4 stars out of 5.

Baan Suan - Thailändisches Restaurant, Düsseldorf, Germany

Baan Suan : Thailändisches Restaurant
Hütten Str. 11 (Ecke Berliner Allee)
40215 Düsseldorf, Germany
Tel. 0211 1682321-2
Täglich Geöffnet von 12.00 uhr und 18.00 uhr bis 24.00 uhr
A very aesthetic and tasty Thai dining experience in the heart of metropolitan Düsseldorf - indeed a sensory experience that is bliss to the palate … highly recommended. The thai ice tea was delicious as was the Panang Curry and Cashew Lamb, Chicken sate, and seafood soup. Both me and my friend enjoyed it extroadinarily. The thai menu has German and English incorporated within, and the staff was very friendly and topped the experience. Rating: 5 stars out of 5.

3 Days in South Beach

I was in South Beach a month or so ago and was fairly impressed.

First of all, I had no idea South Beach had such an Art Deco thing going on. Walking past some of the hotels, I felt like I was stuck in a time warp…in a good way. (This site has a lot of great photos illustrating what I mean.) Even the place we stayed — more of a little apartment building than a grand hotel — had Art Deco details.

Lincoln Road was one of my favorite spots. It’s an open-air pedestrian mall that offered some great shopping and people-watching. (Here are some cool night shots.) It also had a ton of restaurants: It took us about an hour of menu-browsing to finally pick one.

All of the beaches we hit were scenic and clean, and it was hard to turn a corner and not see some sort of photo shoot going on. I was only in South Beach for two nights, but I’d definitely go again, if given the chance.

Clinton Presidential Library

Not too long ago I found myself in Little Rock and decided to pay a visit to the Clinton Presidential Library and Museum. If you’re from the South (or Midwest, for that matter) the first thing you’ll probably notice is that the museum building looks a little bit like a mobile home.

It’s supposed to be a bridge to the 21st century (remember that?) and it really does loom over the Arkansas River in a way that’s pretty.

Whatever your thoughts about architecture, or even about politics, the Clinton library is a fun place to visit. Yes, it has a liberal bias. So does Bill Clinton. It also has a really cool replica of the Oval Office, the Cabinet room, and a real limousine used by the Secret Service. Even if you didn’t like Clinton, this stuff would be worth the price of admission.

The museum is also full of artifacts and information about Clinton and his years in office. You’ll learn all about the major legislative issues that happened during his tenure in the White House, as well as what the First Lady was up to. You’ll see awards the president received, gifts presented to him and much more.

The museum is highly interactive, with computer screens all over the place that allow you to find out even more information on things that happened in Clinton’s tenure. Perhaps the coolest part is being able to look at (most of) Clinton’s daily schedules, so you can see what the life of a president is really like.

(Incidentally, I looked up my birthday in a few of the books. He was usually in Arkansas, because his birthday is right before mine. Still, it was cool.)

If you’re ever in Little Rcok, the Clinton library is definately worth a visit. Skip the gift shop, though (it’s not attached to the library but is just around the corner). There’s almost nothing in there you could possibly want to buy.